Last updated: March 8, 2024

“Humans are inherently selfish.”
- Homo Economicus


I just finished my last midterm today. I’m happy with the hard work I’ve put in towards studying and understanding the content that has been taught. However, lately I’ve noticed something that has only been made apparent by the increased challenges of university coursework.

I may actually be more self-centered than I previously believed.

Hopefully your perception of me didn’t do a complete 180 after reading that sentence, and if so, I would encourage you to continue reading so that you can understand the nuance of such a revelation.

University coursework is hard. Fitting into the image I have just created for myself, I admit that high school work was fairly simple. There was rarely a need for me to ask for help, and reviewing material consisted of mostly my peers and I studying together, not as if one of us were teaching the other something they didn’t understand.

I knew I was going to be humbled in university, but while I constantly reassure myself that I have accepted that fact, deep down I know that my old high school self is still unrelenting, unwilling to let go of the perceived academic reputation that it once had. Coupled with my own laziness, this manifests as a complete disregard towards resources that are readily available, resources that would definitely better my academic performance should I choose to utilize them.

The easiest example would be that of asking people for help on assignment questions. If I don’t understand something, rather than have someone explain to me the solution and the process, I will usually focus on trying to understand the content myself. This is based on an academically selfish belief of mine that if I don’t understand the material using my own ability, I do not understand the material at all. I sometimes feel like that I have given up if I have to ask someone else for help.

There are a number of other factors that are in play here, which include my perceived attitude against bothering other people for help, as well as general laziness preventing me from fully understanding someone else’s solution. It does not help that most of the time I do not ask for too much information, believing that having someone spoil the full solution wouldn’t be conducive to my learning. The minimal help I do ask for rarely leads anywhere, reinforcing the belief that asking others for help doesn’t work.

It also does not help that I believe others to be constantly busy, when most of the time they are willing to provide useful information if I just ask. The funny thing is that when people ask me for help, I usually do respond quickly, so it is kind of strange that I don’t expect it from others.

In an environment where time is more important than ever, these assumptions only inhibit my efficiency, but there are ways that I find myself improving. I have discovered that I value discussion over being tutored. I would rather discuss a problem with someone rather than being walked through it, as I am more engaged in the conversation and thus more likely to find a way to figure it out. I have started using this method and it has certainly allowed me to not only figure out, but develop interest in topics in courses that would have been skimmed through and not fully understood otherwise.

There’s still a long road ahead, and with a better picture of course difficulty, it is time to set those old habits aside and start exploring new ways of thinking. Because if not now, it might be never.

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